A fundamental understanding of idol culture is the transient nature of idols, they all have a ‘use by date’ and as harsh as it sounds your favorite idol will be cast aside one day, dropped and then slowly forgotten as a new shiny idol replaces her.

Because we accept this nature doesn’t mean we have to like it, graduations hurt like hell if you are losing a girl you cherish so much.

My first ever idol love was Kago Aibon,  so when she was dropped from the UFA for numerous scandals I was deeply upset and pissed off but ultimately I understood it  came hand in hand with being wota.

Life after Aibon wasn’t too bad because I fell head over heels in love with Koharu, and for a while things were good … until she was then struck by Tsunku’s ‘grad hammer’.

Even now I’m still confused why they got rid of her … popular … profitable … it makes no financial sense, but money is only one factor in the graduation business.

The latest news of a triple graduation has absolutely taken me by surprise for a few reasons,  I really thought that Aichan and Gaki were the next girls on the chopping block but Tsunku has surprised us all yet again.

Kamei Eri who has served Morning Musume well for countless years is to graduate on the grounds of skin failure, I can fully understand Eri wanting to leave on health grounds so I find no issue in this at all, she has served her time well so I wish her all the best in her future,  I find it amusing that she has a new photobook coming out even though she has recently just had one, it looks like a quick cash in before she leaves … I have no complaint with this because I’m sure we will get served with delicious bikini action.

And now comes the issue with Lin Lin and Jun Jun … WHAT THE FUCK … really?  REALLY?

The biggest question in my mind is if this was  a decision the girls made by themselves or if the UFA pushed them for some reason,  it’s understandable that the girls feel homesick but to leave Morning Musume after a relatively short stint is just weird, suspicious almost.

Unlike Kamei’s graduation I find it hard to accept the pandas leaving,  namely because they have only served around 5 minutes and have NOT BEEN UTILIZED AT ALL.

Pick any Morning Musume single since 2007 and I guarantee you that Aichan and Reina take the lions share of lyrics and screen time,  the pandas were fed scraps in regards to line time and focus,  so this leads to my next question … why did Tsunku even bother to recruit the girls if he wasn’t even going to use them  .. I could understand him wanting to ditch them if they sucked and didn’t generate a fan base but this wasn’t the case, Jun Jun and Lin Lin were both fucking awesome and it gives me a heavy heart to see them both return to China.

After Koharu graduated, Jun Jun became my favorite within Morning Musume … but now I’ve been kicked in the balls yet again, so right now I no longer have a favorite girl within Morning Musume under fear of them being the victim of Tsunku’s swing happy grad hammer.

Actually fuck it,  Aika is now my favorite girl.   Graduate her, she’s useless.

The wait is finally over,  Alo Hello 4 is finally out and we know what that means … the beautiful girls of Morning Musume and Mitsui Aika frolick on the beach wearing cute bikinis,  shopping, playing beach games, sight seeing, restaurants and probably the occasional prank … how could this be bad right? …RIGHT?

WELL FUCK ME.

WRONG.

IT’S AN ABSOLUTE CLUSTER FUCK OF FAILURE.

I’m almost at a loss for words to actually describe this DVD … how could this possibly be bad? we have cute girls, beautiful locations and a fuck load of fan service … with such a combination it’s a mathematical certainty that this DVD will be amazing … yet somehow this defies the laws of physics  … you really need to watch it to understand how much of a rushed and empty hack job this is.

My first major complaint about this is THEY DON’T DO ANYTHING FUN. seriously the whole DVD consists of them on the beach or sat around the summer house, they are totally isolated from the outside world and you don’t see them interact with anyone (other than the camera and themselves).

Looking back at Alo hello 3 you see that they did tons of stuff and soaked up numerous touristy places in Hawaii and played various beach games … yet with Alo hello 4 they don’t visit anywhere, they play no games or have any form of challenges, for anyone that’s watched the making of a h!p photobook you basically get the idea of what this is like, 90% of the time they are stood posing for the camera, 5% running around like idiots on the beach and the last 5% making stupid fucking jewelry or something.

I have a feeling the whole DVD took about 3 hours to make, it just seems so empty and joyless, even if they had a limited budget to make this they could of still filmed the girls walking around the island getting up to random shit in a candid style, but no we get nothing. NOTHING.

Obviously we get plenty of bikini action which is always welcome, but after about 10 minutes of seeing them bounce around I just wanted something a little more interesting to happen (which it doesn’t) the only highlights I can come up with is Aichan’s butt which we’ve seen a million times already, and some rather delicious Jun Jun bikini action … and that’s pretty much the only enjoyable aspect I found in the whole 1 hour and five fucking minutes.

I started wondering if I had downloaded only part of the DVD and that there was another part with all the fun stuff on … WRONG! … when it all ends I was like WTF!? … that’s it??? I’m just glad I didn’t pay money for this …

How could something with such promise turn out to be so disappointing?

Because this was so terrible I decided to make my own version called ‘Alo hello 4 good edition’  I edited it down to 2 minutes and replaced the soundtrack to something more my taste … if you have yet to watch Alo hello 4 yet don’t bother  … just watch my version

Am I being a little harsh? am I missing something? what are your thoughts on this?  I really can’t understand why anyone would find it fun to watch, sometimes I just need a little bit of substance than typical fan service.

…Roll on Berryz Kobo Alo hello 2

The last time I reviewed a Morning musume PV it didn’t turn out so well … so will this latest offering sway me in any way?

After 40 singles you would think that Morning musume would be running out of ideas … and you’d be quite right, their latest offering is a mish mash that contains the quirky musical style of moskou and the annoyance of Alvin and the fucking chipmunks.
I started writing this post a few days ago and to be honest my opinion of the song itself has changed dramatically, I didn’t like the song at all but now … I actually LIKE it, the beats and rhythm flow really quite well together, the chipmunk style vocals are worthless though, they should of left them out, the only vocals that really stand out for me is Aichan, when she sings the line ‘iijanai choi ero egao’ is like pure honey dripping into my ear, all the other girls don’t stand out to me vocally at all.
Another reason why my views of this single has changed is the lyrics … be honest now, do you ever actually bother to find out the translation of the lyrics? I hardly ever check what any of the H!P girls are singing about, this is mostly due to the fact all they ever sing about is cliched love and teenage crush related shenanigans BORING, hell they could be singing about the joys of vivisection or chemical warfare for all I care. KE MIKU WO FERU!!! SUKI SUKI OHH BABY.
But the lyrics for Kimagure Princess are most titillating indeed, the most interesting are …. (no explanation needed)

Now we all know that Ai chan has the most amazing arse this side of the universe, but the mere thought of Aika singing about her charming tits and ass is utterly repulsive, watching a scabby dog choke to death on its own vomit would be far more sexier viewing in my opinion.

I’ve already expressed my views on Aika numerous times so I’ll just let Charlie Brooker take over and vent for me:

So yeah anyway, I enjoy the song and the lyrics, but that’s where my enjoyment ends, almost everything else about the PV is just forgettable dribble, the white curtain outfits they wear are just hideous and fail to show the curves of their bodies which they should be flaunting considering the nature of the lyrics, OBVIOUSLY I find the ass wiggles highly relevant but they should of worn something a little more revealing … but that being said, that’s my default thought on most H!P PV’s … every H!P PV should contain short skirts and lasers … and a disco ball.
Overall I found this single to be enjoyable, It will feature on my playlist, but this single is nothing amazing, just good … which is probably the most positive thing I’ve said about Morning musume in a long time.

Fundamentalism can come in many forms, the most common type is religious fundamentalism, which we associate with strict adherence to doctrine, suicide bombers and big bloody beards.

Beyond the religious forms we see a type of  fundamentalism in many other topics such as sports, politics, veganism and most importantly idols.

A wota in the simplest sense is a hardcore idol fan … there is a fair contrast in regards to ‘how much of a fan’ we are though, I consider myself relatively hardcore but only in a fun way, I won’t cry my eyes out if people attack my favorite idols … but I will defend the girl (to a degree) if I feel it necessary.

An idol for me represents innocence, beauty and purity, I expect the girl to retain these quality’s at all times because if she betrays the very traits that make her an idol … is she an idol?

Now before anyone gets the wrong idea about my views … do I think a girl should banned from having a social life? … absolutely not, but the girl must understand that if she wants a boyfriend (or girlfriend) she must cease her idol career, or at least keep it super secret behind a locked door.

Scandals within Hello! project come and go, some blow over and some don’t,  but the interesting thing to note are the fan reactions.

When Kago Ai was caught out to be having a relationship with business man Shimoto Yasuyuki, numerous 2chan wota reacted with anger and went out to vandalize the mans restaurant with graffiti.

This type of behavior is what I consider wota fundamentalism, it can come in minor forms such as actually crying when hearing of an idol leaving or more extreme forms like people burning their idol merchandise and posting pictures of it smoldering (which is hilarious by the way).

About 2 years ago I read about the bollywood idol Shilpa Shetty causing controversy when actor Richard Gere kissed her on the cheek  during an AIDS-awareness event.

While this might seem like an innocent act to normal people, Indian fans of Shilpa reacted furiously by publicly burning posters of her and denouncing their fandom…

When I first read of this news my initial reaction was ”fucking idiots” but to be fair part of the outrage was linked to public decency laws in India that prohibit people from engaging in ‘obscene’ or ‘lewd’ acts … such as kissing.
Richard Gere was issued an arrest warrant by an Indian court for “an obscene act” which goes to show that Indian idol fans are serious fucking business.

Last week Morning Musume appeared on the Japanese entertainment show WEST WIND to promote their latest single ‘Nanchatte Renai’ unfortunately the shitty glam metal group ‘Steel Panther’ also appeared alongside them which didn’t turn out to be such a great idea …

As you can see Koharu gets touched up by the sleazy rocker Lexxi Foxxx for which she reacts with laughter and embarrassment.
Clearly the guy was only messing around and meant no offense (I hope) yet I do wonder how Japanese wota reacted to this? and more importantly the wota fundamentalists.
To be honest I reckon there wasn’t any serious drama over this but it would be hilarious if some idiot wota set fire to themselves or something … think about it, its funny.
I am a HUGE Koharu fan and my reaction to this was fairly mild, I just wanted him to stop touching her and behave himself like a good boy.
I have no desire to burn my Koharu photobooks and I certainly don’t intend to turn up at a Steel panther gig to throw bottles of piss at them on stage (there next gig is on the 16th in London, just so you know…)

When events such as these happen I think its important to take a step back and try to think with a non-wota frame of mind, life’s too short to act childish and stupid, life is one time.
In a perfect world idols would poop rainbows and have no idea what a penis actually is … an idea that was swiftly destroyed when Berryz Kobo witnessed the female presenter grabbing a MAN’S COCK.

Being wota is to live part of your life in a lie, which is a small price to pay considering the amount of enjoyment we get from idols.

Ignorance is indeed bliss.

I was quite impressed with the voting turn out for the latest poll, who said voter apathy is dead?

Just to re-cap last weeks poll question was ‘who do you want to graduate next?‘ … now this question encompasses a multitude of possible reasons why you would vote for a girl, you might find her incredibly annoying and talentless … or you might just want her to pursue a solo career, regardless here are the results, and the girl with the most votes is … *nano drum roll*

I’m actually quite surprised with the amount of votes that went towards Aichan, I’m not sure if this should be seen as a positive or negative thing because it can be seen in two lights.

Aichan has been in Morning Musume now for just over 8 years which is a phenomenal amount of time for an idol,  is she ready for a solo career? absolutely.

But would Morning Musume be able to continue without her? considering she’s the linchpin vocalist I would have to say no … oh sure Reina’s voice is half decent but she’s hardly the leader material (in my opinion at least) and yeah Lin Lin’s voice is brilliant yet too young and too soon.

I would hate to see Aichan graduate but I understand it is inevitable so I hope that Tsunku has plenty of ideas up his sleeves.

The amount of votes Aika got really made me LOL, if you read Wotaku Now frequently you will no doubt be aware of my dislike for the girl.

I’ll resist going on a rant about her … nah fuck it lets do this, reasons why Aika sucks:

• She can’t sing … like seriously, have you actually heard her? its like she’s talking with a slur, and before anyone says ‘but Koha can’t sing!’ … NO U.

• After being in Morning Musume over 2 years I have yet to see her fully intergrate into the unit, I don’t see her have any close bonds with the other girls, remember Alo hello 2&3? … everyone hated her.

• Most idols have some type of gimmick or rememberable trait … yet what does Aika have? (other than a continent sized jaw) the only thing I can recall Aika having any particular skill in were those dull memory games on haromoni … can you remember that she made Jun Jun cry?! … bitch, and who cares about memory anyway? not me.

• Her smile reminds me of Jack Nicolson from the shining.

• She has about as much charisma as a small puddle.