Last night was brilliant, I had a case of cold beer and a copy of C-ute’s Alo Hello! ready to watch, I sat in my throne put on my drinking hat and pressed play.

For the next 1 hour and 38 minutes I smiled like a retard slowly drinking myself into a warm fuzzy stupor, the alcohol is mostly to blame but watching 5 cute Japanese girls frolicking in bikinis really puts my mind in a happy place, it truly is a cathartic experience that only Wota and perverts can fully appreciate … is that an oxymoron? probably.

Of course I actually watched this DVD last week … the version I watched last night was the Hello!Fan subs version which obviously lets me understand what the girls are all babbling about, my knowledge of Japanese language is fairly minimal so watching it again with subs makes everything a million times more pleasurable.

If I wasn’t such a lazy bastard I would probably do a massive in depth review picking apart every single scene and remarking over the tiniest of details … I wont do that, but what I am going to do is pick out the most delicious scenes and show those unfortunate enough not to watch this yet what they are missing.

I was quite surprised at times with what the girls said, they are at times quite blunt and have an ‘interesting’ sense of humor … OK let’s do this:

The girls don’t fuck around, from the start they are wearing delicious bikinis waving about shouting like idiots, also note Chisato’s facial expression, she’s BAT SHIT INSANE throughout the whole video. AWESOME.

Maimai makes it fairly clear that she feels uncomfortable wearing a bikini (which is weird considering she just had her own photobook), Naki just giggles at her and then …

Chisato starts trying to reassure her which Maimi seems to find hilarious

Maimi quickly tells Chisato off, and then…

Chisato doesn’t give a flying fuck what anyone thinks, she plays by her own rules

After a slight awkward silence the girls all start shouting again and run off to play on the water slides, YAY!!!

The water park is charmingly called ‘Wet n wild’ … just how I like my women HURRRRR

Naki looks genuinely terrified at going down a big water slide, it makes me wonder if any of the girls actually have any choice in the matter … hope not.

I think we can all understand what Naki is talking about, Airi seems to find this hilarious and sniggers constantly

Chisato has the most demented face and voice ever, could you imagine her sat quiet at a dinner table? she’d probably jump on top of it and throw plates of food at the walls while screaming, the naughty monkey.

The water ride confuses Chisato slightly,  although she soon resumes her composure …

nothing can stop this girls appetite for MORE

I would sell my arms AND legs to be sat right next to Maimi in that rubber water dingy thingy, although if  that were the case I’d be paraplegic and probably be sliding about all over the place like a fleshy human caterpillar in a sexy nest.

The camera man takes great interest in Maimai’s delicious flat chest

although the water droplets are distorting Chisato a little she remains a terrifying monkey beast (a cute one though)

the girl is insatiable, give her more!!!

Maimi looks a little freaked out by Chisato’s loud crazy shoutings, I’m not sure if she’s pretending or actually worried

Naki shows concern with Chisato’s behavior, the girls seem slightly nervous while Chisato acts a little upset  …

Maimi shows her leadership skills and starts a vote on what to do with Chisato …

Airi takes great joy in expressing her views with the issue …

Chisato starts saying that everyone is ganging up on her, she really looks upset

all of a sudden Maimi starts getting abusive towards Chisato and starts pushing her …

STAY TUNED FOR PART 2!!!

I can remember the days when I thought Miyabi was a boring pointy jawed idiot, those days are firmly behind me.

I now consider Miyabi a tantalizing pointy jawed sexual lioness of idiocy, don’t get me wrong I love her and all but you cant deny shes a total scatterbrained ditz which is actually part of the appeal for me, her antics never fail to amuse me, shes loud, playful and always seems to have a very naughty look on her face.

Back in the day when I first got into Berryz Kobo I called Miyabi the ice queen because she constantly wore the same expression on her face, its like she didn’t give a fuck about idol etiquette … which is something I’ve learned to love.

Anyway Miyabi is featured in the latest BLT U-17 magazine and is looking predictably ravishing , looking at these photos it makes me wonder when Miyabi will be getting her much MUCH needed second photobook, its long overdue.

Also how awesome is Miyabi’s latest hairstyle? I think she looks amazing although I doubt she’ll keep the extensions for long, I wonder if this will prompt any other idols to get their hair re styled? Maimi’s new hair looks very elegant and sexy, I wonder who will be next?

Erika officially graduated the other day and apparently there was no flowers or ceremony dedicated to her, this saddens me a little but its good that Maimi had the heart to write some touching words for her.

The letter was written on the above photo and has been kindly translated by Chikichi from Hello online:

DEAR…My beloved Eri

Congratulations on your graduation. Having to part from you sure makes me feel lonely.
You know, I really like the kindness and generousity that you have shown to everyone.
No matter who is in trouble, you always take notice right away and offer your support.
You have given all of us so much of your attention.
Seeing you offer your help to others makes me want to work hard to become more like you. I learned a lot from watching you.
The two of us have been very close for these seven years that we spent together – there are so many incredible memories that I cannot begin to count.
There were times when we laughed together, and times when we cried together. All of those times are moments that I will treasure.
Although our ways are separated, this road that we had walked on together will remain the same, and I will continue to value all those steps we took
We probably will not have the chance to see each other as often as we have been, but you have always wanted to become a model, and I will support you more than anyone else.
Without you with us, °C-ute will work even harder to make up for your absence.
Thank you so much for all your kindness throughout the years. Thank you for treating me as family and listening to everything I had to say.
I will never forget all the difficult times and enjoyable moments that we experienced while we chased after our dream together.
Let’s put everything we have towards our dreams, and let’s make sure we both reach our goals!! I really like you and I always will

FROM Maimi.

Isn’t that sweet?  I’m honestly feeling quite touched by Maimi’s sentiments, who needs a lousy graduation ceremony anyway? a letter from Maimi is enough.
I’m not sure if any other girls wrote letters to her but if I find them I’ll try and get them translated and posted here.

Somehow I love Maimi even more now which I didn’t think could happen … I guess I should go get that tattoo idea I’ve been thinking about …

Risako, light of my life, fire of my loins. My sin, my soul. Ri-sa-ko: the tip of the tongue taking a trip of three steps down the palate to tap, at three, on the teeth. Ri. Sa. Ko.

I’ve never shied away from expressing my feelings for Risako, and why should I? to cast eyes upon the pudding of puddings is always a visual feast that never grows tiring, Ricky Fitts expressed this idea quite eloquently in the film American Beauty:

“Sometimes there’s so much beauty in the world I feel like I can’t take it, like my heart’s going to cave in”

Poetic sentiments aside the preview photos of Risako’s 4th photobook are absolutely mesmerizing, this was something I never doubted for a second … it was just a question of how much this would increase my love and desire for the girl.

And the answer is Very fucking much, I would do terrible things for the opportunity to meet her in person, to shake her hand, to exchange a single word, to lock eyes for the briefest of seconds. I would die an elated man.

You know that feeling you get when you’re fully immersed in a good book, you detach yourself from reality for a time and exist in a truly calm soothing bubble of existence, like being slowly immersed in warm water, life’s pains just melt away and your left in a state of total calm … that’s the very feeling I experience when gazing through Risako’s photobooks, slowly leafing through each page I get drawn into another beautiful world … a world with Risako … and sometimes she’s wearing a bikini.

For a non wota such ramblings might be confusing and even creepy … but to continue with film quotations :

At the temple, there is a poem called “Loss” carved into the stone. It has three words, but the poet has scratched them out. You cannot read Loss, only feel it

Just replace the term ‘loss’ for ‘Risako’s beauty’ and were close to coming to an understanding of my love, my adoration, my devotion and most importantly my total wota fanboy crush on a 15 year old girl.

I wouldn’t change it for anything in the world.

(except maybe a bubble bath with Maimi)

The last time I reviewed a Morning musume PV it didn’t turn out so well … so will this latest offering sway me in any way?

After 40 singles you would think that Morning musume would be running out of ideas … and you’d be quite right, their latest offering is a mish mash that contains the quirky musical style of moskou and the annoyance of Alvin and the fucking chipmunks.
I started writing this post a few days ago and to be honest my opinion of the song itself has changed dramatically, I didn’t like the song at all but now … I actually LIKE it, the beats and rhythm flow really quite well together, the chipmunk style vocals are worthless though, they should of left them out, the only vocals that really stand out for me is Aichan, when she sings the line ‘iijanai choi ero egao’ is like pure honey dripping into my ear, all the other girls don’t stand out to me vocally at all.
Another reason why my views of this single has changed is the lyrics … be honest now, do you ever actually bother to find out the translation of the lyrics? I hardly ever check what any of the H!P girls are singing about, this is mostly due to the fact all they ever sing about is cliched love and teenage crush related shenanigans BORING, hell they could be singing about the joys of vivisection or chemical warfare for all I care. KE MIKU WO FERU!!! SUKI SUKI OHH BABY.
But the lyrics for Kimagure Princess are most titillating indeed, the most interesting are …. (no explanation needed)

Now we all know that Ai chan has the most amazing arse this side of the universe, but the mere thought of Aika singing about her charming tits and ass is utterly repulsive, watching a scabby dog choke to death on its own vomit would be far more sexier viewing in my opinion.

I’ve already expressed my views on Aika numerous times so I’ll just let Charlie Brooker take over and vent for me:

So yeah anyway, I enjoy the song and the lyrics, but that’s where my enjoyment ends, almost everything else about the PV is just forgettable dribble, the white curtain outfits they wear are just hideous and fail to show the curves of their bodies which they should be flaunting considering the nature of the lyrics, OBVIOUSLY I find the ass wiggles highly relevant but they should of worn something a little more revealing … but that being said, that’s my default thought on most H!P PV’s … every H!P PV should contain short skirts and lasers … and a disco ball.
Overall I found this single to be enjoyable, It will feature on my playlist, but this single is nothing amazing, just good … which is probably the most positive thing I’ve said about Morning musume in a long time.